So I think I have worked up the courage to let someone read my book. A good friend and I were out taking pictures and I let it slip that I was working on a book. Once the cat was out of the bag, she started asking questions and we talked about it. Not really about the book, but more about the process. She was quite supportive and seemed almost impressed that I was doing this. She still has no idea what the book is about, other than a murder mystery. Turns out, she used to be an english teacher and is an avid reader. And…she volunteered to read it and proof it for me. We both had concerns about her doing this, not because of her abilities, but because of how we would handle it. What if she hated it? Or worse yet, if it was so bad, that she gave up on it? We both agreed we would think about it and talk more about it later.

Now, I had to make a decision. Did I feel comfortable enough with the book to let someone else read it? Well, someone other than my husband. While I had let him read it, his response was less than ecstatic. He pointed out a few issues, but never really got into any specifics about it. And if it was bad, I am not sure he would have told me.

So I kinda had one monkey off my back, someone else now knows I have written a book. But now I had a gorilla on it and my stomach is still in knots over whether or not to let someone else read it.  If she didn’t like it, I wouldn’t want it to ruin our friendship. But I wouldn’t want her to think she had to be less than honest either in order to protect that friendship. What to do, what to do.

The next big step.

I decided to do it. I think.  I decided to let my friend read my book. We talked some more and both agreed we didn’t want this to hurt our friendship, but both felt like we could do this.
Now I had to get the book ready for her. Well, not just her, but for anyone.

I remembered what my husband had said about the names. He did not want me to use real names of the family in the book. While I understood why he didn’t want them used, I cringed at the thought of trying to change the book.

I took the list of characters that I had created to use as a guide for my crappy memory and read over it. I decided that the main character, Barbara, aka me, would not change. And in looking over the names, the only ones I was going to change were the actual family people. I gave each one of them a new name next to their real name on the list. I tried to change them to a name that I could link to them easily so I wouldn’t have to remember who was really who.
Once I got the new names assigned, I now had to make the changes in the book.
I created a copy of the book and opened it on the computer. I clicked the search box and searched on the first name and clicked enter. The first name highlighted and I put in the replace name, and then selected to change all. It sputtered through the book and made all the changes. After about six rounds of this, I think I was done. It was quicker than I had thought, but I still needed to re-read and verify that everything flowed and I didn’t miss any.

So I read it…again. I found a couple of times where I had used a variation of the name and had to change it there, but for the most part, the changes were made.  Now I had removed the one thing that was keeping me from letting someone else read my book.  I was ready to take the plunge and put my book out there for somebody other than my husband….

My stomach was in knots.

My friend and I had decided to meet for dinner. I had told her that I wanted to talk through a couple things before I gave it to her. It was really nothing I couldn’t have sent in an email, but I was handing over something that had become a piece of me, and it was way harder than I ever thought.

I had a photo group meeting that night and we agreed we would meet at this local’s place before I went to the meeting. I was a couple minutes late leaving work and pulled in shortly after the agreed time of 5 pm. And there hangs a sign on the door…CLOSED.  There was a notice hanging under it and I asked if she had gone up and read it yet. She said she had and that they were closed for a couple days for some renovations. Well pooh. Now what.

We agreed we would head toward Williamsburg and see what we could find. My nerves were on edge bad enough just thinking of handing over my book, but now I had to worry about finding another place to eat as well.  After striking out at two other places that were closed on Mondays, we found this little hole in the wall place and went in. There were people in there, so that was a good sign. Most were sitting around the bar area. We grabbed one of only four booths in the back and settled in. I had my printed copy in an old school binder of my son’s and sat it on the table away from us.

We both grabbed the menus and started looking over what we wanted. The waitress came back and we asked a couple questions and both decided and ordered. We told her we were kind of in a hurry, so she said no problem, and ran off to get our food.

 

The binder was still sitting there and I wasn’t ready yet. We talked a little bit more and I finally broached the subject of the book.  I gave her a little bit of background and asked if she was sure she wanted to do this. We laughed and then we both promised that no matter what, this would not hurt our friendship. I had to be strong enough to let her take it and read it and tell me what she really thought of it. She had to be strong enough to tell me what she really thought of it, not what she thought I wanted to hear.  I finally picked up the book and opened it. I showed her the front page where I had listed the characters and explained how I had changed the names recently. I told her to watch for places where I may have missed changing names.

She took the book.
And she sat it on the bench seat beside her.

 

Away from me.

 

Someone else now had my book.

 

Now my stomach was REALLY in knots.
I really didn’t enjoy dinner. Not because the food was bad, it was actually quite tasty, but because I was nervous. I ate my dinner with a knot in my stomach. A really huge one.
Anyone who has ever done this kind of thing knows how hard it is to open yourself up to let someone see what you have done.

She was wonderful about it. And a great friend.

 

But she had my book.

 

Now I wait.

 

 

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